jesus, I thought regular binding was bad, but this is excruciating. I didn’t feel how tight everything (the bandages and binder) really is until after the anesthesia completely wore off yesterday, which I’m guessing was around 7 or 8pm because that’s when things started hurting. the painkillers are a godsend for the pain (from like the incisions/stitches and soreness on my muscles above where my binder ends and whatnot), but it doesn’t help relieve the discomfort and tightness from the dressings

it’s not as bad when I’m awake and can move around, but it gets unbearable when I’m trying to sleep. I haven’t tried laying flat on my back yet because I have this dumb fear I won’t be able to breathe at all and I’ll be stuck in that position. like seriously, not being able to breath is one of the most terrifying things to me, which is probably why this is so painful. I’m taking as many deep breaths as I can when I’m awake, but I obviously can’t do that when I’m asleep since it’s so tight, so my breaths get really shallow. I haven’t been sleeping much because of it, falling into half asleep, half awake states for 1-2 hours before I wake up again. the last two times I woke up, it was because I was so out of breath/wasn’t getting enough oxygen. and when I tried to take deeper breaths, my chest felt impossibly tight, moreso than usual. so I’m thinking maybe my deep breathing expands the binder a bit, but it shrinks back when I’m asleep and taking more shallow breaths

I don’t know if that’s normal or if my bandages/binder might be on too tight? I mean, I know they have to be tight in order for my body to heal properly/well but is it supposed to be this extreme? ._. either way, I can’t fucking wait until thursday when I can get this all off and finally breathe again

6:22am, 1 hour and 8 minutes left
on our way to the surgery center and I’m surprisingly not a complete mess LOL. quite calm, in fact, and a little excited. I think the closer I get, the more nervous I’ll get. I’m mostly just thirsty LOL
thank you so so much to the people who replied to or liked my last post or sent an ask with all your good wishes and positive energy. I loved waking up to such supportive and encouraging messages and I really appreciate everyone’s support!

the next time I post will most likely be after surgery!! :D


Pros of dating me

  • i’m rly soft and squishy
  • i’ll make you hot beverages in bed
  • i’m good at compliments
  • you’ll gain lots of dorky pet names

Cons of dating me

  • ummm??
  • zero i am a goddess